Today’s post is the first in a series called unpopular opinions. Because a lot of what’s out there in the wellness and personal growth world is simply damaging, and I think we can do better. So I’m sharing some unpopular opinions and today we're starting with fear.
And in order to talk about fear, we have to talk about our ego - that part of us that perpetually believes there is a bear waiting for us around the corner, that says no to speaking up, that tells us we’re not ready yet (ever), and that keeps us playing small.
Here’s the deal: I'm tired of hearing about strategies that help us shut the ego up, push past our fears, and convince us to see our inner critic like a jerk roommate who is being mean just for fun.
THE EGO ISN'T BEING MEAN FOR FUN
Your ego is mean because it’s freaking petrified and is doing everything in its power to stop you from taking risks, because it falsely believes that risk = certain death. So yes, your inner critic is a jerk and a fear-mongler, but only because it’s trying to protect you. It’s mislead in its efforts, but it’s genuinely doing its level best.
Though relating to you fear by pushing past it may work for a moment, a month, or even a year, it’s not a sustainable way of living and is in fact damaging towards our goal of having a loving, respectful relationship with ourselves.
If you want to learn how to tame your fear and move forward, you have to learn how to make peace with the part of you that’s petrified.
Heck, you need to fall in love with it.
Our fear isn't a kink in the machine we need to work out in order to evolve and reach some bigger, bolder, state of being. When we treat it like a flaw, we communicate to ourselves that we’re not to be trusted.
Except we can and should be trusted.
Fear is an instrumental part of our human experience. Not only did it give our species an opportunity to survive as we evolved (obvi), but to this day, it’s the part of us that reminds us that we are innately interdependent, requiring support from other people, our environment, and most importantly ourselves.
With the continually growing wealth gap, and frightening as hell abuses of power, we could all use a worldwide reminder of just how interdependent and connected we are.
So let’s consider reframing fear, shall we? If you’ve worked with me or another therapist/coach, it’s likely that you’ve done some inner child work. Made space for little you to show up and share what it’s wigging out about.
Being in a healthy relationship with the healthy human part of us that gets afraid is about being in relationship with our inner child. If your fear brings up an inner critic that looks a lot more like a big, angry bully and less like a snivelling toddler, I promise you under all that rage there is a boatload of fear and sadness. Hurt people hurt people. Bullies are a prime example of this.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE AFRAID:
Sit down somewhere quiet, put your phone on airplane mode and set your phone timer for five minutes. Close your eyes, and locate where the fear is in your body - it might be in your belly, your chest or somewhere else. Place your hand there and draw soft, focused attention to the spot, as if your inner vision is just slightly blurred. Get curious about the sensations that you feel - is it tight, is there heat or a buzzing energy? Take a couple of deep, slow, gentle breaths into the sensation. Then, engage your curiosity a little more. Ask yourself, “If this part of me could speak, what would it say?”
Try not to judge what you hear in response. It’s okay if you feel like you’re making something up - you are! You’re connecting with a scared, inner (child) part of you that deserves its voice being heard too.
Now ask that afraid part of you, “What support do you need?”
Listen to its answer without judgment and thank it for telling you where it’s at and asking for what it needs.
Close this moment of connecting with yourself by taking a few more deep breaths, and returning to the awareness of being in your body and in the room.
TIME TO INTEGRATE
To integrate the learning, grab a journal or a friend, and explore what came up. What is your fear really like when you pause to look at it? What does that afraid part of your long for the rest of you to understand? What support does that scared part of you need? Who could offer you that support.
To tame our fear, we must learn to love it. And love isn’t just a thing we feel - it’s a thing we do and we are. Learn to love your fear by giving it your attention, letting it have it’s voice, and asking it what it needs so it can calm down and quiet down.
You got this.
THE BE WITH MASTERMIND
Did you hear/read my announcement for coaches, wellness practitioners, and other big-hearted business babes? If fear gets in your way on the regular and you’re aching for more support to learn how to look it in the eye and take action in your business anyway, I've got something really special for you...
This January, join me and a group of 4 other women for a six month mastermind to support you and your business growth by prioritizing your personal growth.
It's time to learn how to show up for yourself, so that you can show up for your business and your clients like never before. It's also time to stop trying to go at this alone.
This first enrolment is for new business owners who have been full time for less than two years or who are still in the side hustle stage.
Established business owners, I see you, and I LOVE having you around. I know your business systems are pretty damn smooth and that you've learned how to make it do. I also know that the only thing that's holding you back now is the deep internal work. I got you babe, and will be doing a special enrolment for bosses just like you very soon. To be the first to hear about it, let me know by email or IG direct message.
FORMAT: Twelve bi-weekly 90 minute calls expertly facilitated by me, offering you community, accountability and the emotional support you've been looking for to make your vision a reality.
VALUES: Steeped in the Be With methodology which means you have to be a YES to the following:
- being real over being perfect
- sustainable, intuitive growth
- taking aligned action rather than mindless hustle
- exploring the possibility that you already have everything you need, including the answers you seek
COST: $220 X 6 Months, or $1250 upfront (USD)
WHAT THIS ISN'T: A business program to teach you business strategies.
WHAT THIS IS: My zone of genius is holding space for women so they can learn to trust themselves and live from the truth of who they are. Expect to find a space space to fall apart, be challenged, grow and flourish.